Amor Aeterna
by SpaghettiBondage420
Summary: A shattered relationship between two once beloved lovers. Can love truly mend all that was broken? Femslash/Elsanna/incest/modern-AU
1. Chapter 1

It all started my freshman year at college.

I was ecstatic at the prospect of studying at UCSB, the very school my dear sister, Elsa, was also enrolled in, albeit as a first year med student. Elsa and I haven't seen each other in years, but my love for her had never faded. But my excitement gave way to nervousness, and when I learned that she was nervous as well, we connected.

It started small at first; we'd watch a movie together, discuss a book, and debate a current event. We fell into a smooth routine, a routine that provided stability and backbone to the craziness that is college.

Elsa was always busy, but she'd never take away time from us. She'd always squeeze in a shared coffee, or a quick chat about the idiosyncrasies of life.

She was always so strong, Elsa that is. She had a fire in her, warmth that burned with such passion. She was always selfless, always thinking of ways to help others; that's why she wanted to be a doctor. Who couldn't fall for such an incredible woman? She was perfect in my eyes, gorgeous, caring, and warm-hearted- the epitome of a wonderful person.

Elsa spent all her free time with me, taking care to do everything to make me happy. She'd help me with my homework, hug me when I was sad, and show me the physical affection I desperately needed.

Then there was that night, oh that beautiful night. We were cuddling, like sisters do, when that moment came, with spontaneity and explosive power I thought could never exist in this universe. That moment you kissed me, no living memory of mine can compare. I will forever cherish the soft taste of your supple lips, sweetness that was so distinctly Elsa that I nearly cried in joy. I thought I had found true love, those short seconds our lips were connected; I thought we were soul mates.

The next six years were blissful. My world revolved around Elsa. Even in my classes, I only dreamed of the mind blowing nights we shared in bed, the love and affection that mutually sealed our relationship. Everything was perfect.

Was perfect…

I know why you left me, Elsa. I understand. You thought, and still think that you, being the older one, the more responsible one, the ever so insufferably selfless one, should take the burden of ending the taboo relationship that you believe keeps us both from living.

But you don't understand me. You don't understand how deeply I loved you, and how much I still love you. You are my sun, the stars, and the universe! Every breath I take is for you, my dearest Elsa.

The pain that courses through my veins, the bile that rises to my throat when I see you with that _man; _you cannot possibly realize how heartbreaking it is for me to see you replacing me. You are all I have, Elsa, and it feels like you threw me away that night.

The past year has been a blur for me, a numbness that surrounds my daily routine. I miss everything we used to do together, the short coffee chats, the movie nights, the sisterly cuddles we shared. Why is the universe so cruel?

I love you Elsa, there is nothing that can stop that love, even you. But with that love was a burning need to see you happy. I thought I would be the one to make you happy, I truly did.

I haven't talked to you in months; there is too much pain, too much hurt that comes from seeing you. But I plead with you, give me one more chance, one chance to show you that what we had is worth any price we must pay.

I'm going to talk to you one more, if just to say goodbye. I cannot live my life without at least trying once to bring back the beautiful thing we shared.

I love you Elsa.


	2. Chapter 2

_Anna, understand that everything we are doing here today is for your benefit. Please be as truthful and detailed as possible._

(Anna sighs and nervously rubs her hands together)

I'll do my best

_Thank you, you're cooperation will make this easier for all parties involved. Now, can you, in your own words, tell us what happened on May18, 2014?_

_(_Another sigh escapes Anna's lips, quickly followed by a deep breath)

It had been a year since Elsa had broken up with me. The wounds of the past were still fresh in my mind, and the feelings of emptiness and numbness that had marked the year following the day she had dumped me still weighed heavily on my soul.

But, while doing research for my dissertation, I posted my dilemma to the internet. My courage was fed by the compassionate advice of internet forum users, and I soon found the will to approach Elsa for closure, and maybe (just maybe) to restart the relationship.

So I shot Elsa a text, brief in length telling her to meet me at the local Coffee Bean.

Warm latte in hand, I sat at a quaint, two-seat table, anxiety racing through my body. My heart jumps when Elsa sits down- I had been so distracted by my nervousness that I didn't even notice the blonde.

"How are you doing Anna?" asks Elsa, her polite, business like tone shooting pangs of hurt through my body.

"Fine," I mutter, gaze catching on the low cut of Elsa's dress revealing delicious cleavage that makes me blush. I thought back to the days when they were mine, insanely soft mounds-firm to the touch, yet silkier than velvet.

Elsa's words bring me out of my reverie, but my brain fails to comprehend them.

"What did you say Elsa? Sorry, wasn't paying attention." I sheepishly reply- my cheeks were surely crimson by now.

"I asked you: Why did you call me here Anna?"

Elsa's cerulean eyes are cold and distant, chin raised in regal pose. No part of Elsa's body language gave emotion, a stark contrast to my erratic and boiled over self. Still, she is beautiful, beautiful in her statue like stance- stiff, but timeless majesty.

"I-I wanted to talk about our relationship-"

"We don't have a relationship Anna."

Her words sting, but I continue -

"Fine- our former relationship- Is it too much to ask for closure?!"

My voice unintentionally spikes, but I feel no guilt. People around us throw glances, but their presence does not affect me. My brain is tunneling onto Elsa.

A flash of sorrow passes through Elsa's eyes, but the moment is too brief for me to take it seriously.

"Anna…"

"You aren't going to tell me, are you?"

I'm quieter this time, but the fury in my voice is evident. How could Elsa do this to me? Why couldn't she at least tell me, in her own words, why she threw me away!

"No, Anna, you don't understand. We can't be together; you know that as well as I do. Please don't make this harder than it has to be," whispered the blonde, façade broken.

"Harder? You're one to talk- I'm done, Elsa; I'm done talking to you. I gave you my heart and you didn't even break it properly!" Tears streamed down my cheeks, vision blurring. Not able to take it anymore, I race out of the café, slamming the door on the way out.

_I'm out of here._


	3. Chapter 3

_So, what did you do after your meeting with Elsa?_

I just, you know, lived. Did my daily routine, finished my dissertation.

_Describe you academic career-_

Well, my Ph.D. is in Nuclear Physics, so my college life was always intense. I struggled in some areas, excelled in others. I really wanted to work on the ITER fusion project in France- to help solve the energy crisis...

_What happened to that?_

Well… I didn't get accepted. I'm not stupid; I did get a Ph.D. after all, but I wasn't good enough to join the greatest nuclear physicists on the planet. Really, I should've seen it coming, but I don't regret majoring in nuclear physics- it's one of the few things in life that I find passion in.

_So what did you after being rejected?_

I joined a banking firm in Wall Street. Most of potential quants Wall Street relied on to work their crazy algorithms were moving to Comp. Sci. jobs, creating a shortage of people qualified to do the math they needed.

_What did you do at Wall Street?_

It was…interesting to say the least. Quants are one of the least respected people in the Wall Street social hierarchy, but fortunately for me, I got recruited by one of the most employee-friendly firms in the city. The pay was great, the people were incredibly kind- the company was the epitome of an awesome firm.

The bank was a small startup when I joined, so once the company started rapidly expanding, my stock options in the company became enormous.

_How much did you think about Elsa in the four years you were in Wall Street?_

Every. Fucking. Day. No matter what I tried, that blasted woman never leaves my heart and mind.

_Describe the next time you encountered Elsa…_

* * *

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE…**

I bang the snooze button on my alarm clock, grudgingly getting out of the cozy sheets that blanket my bed.

Still slightly dazed from being awakened so suddenly, I take a scorching hot shower in an attempt to jump start my brain.

"Fuck!" I stare dumbly at my now-stained blouse, burning coffee only just beginning to register. With a sigh, I run back upstairs to change, coffee forgotten.

After a long day at work (compounded by the distinct lack of caffeine in my system), I slide out of my car, carelessly grabbing the mail as I walked into my small, but tastefully decorated apartment.

I switch on the T.V and mindlessly begin to sort the mail.

Junk, junk, junk ughh I really need to have someone filter my mail or something. For fuck's sake, I don't want to donate to your damned political campaign!

Eventually, I reached the end of the pile- and came face to face with something I had been dreading for the past five years.

* * *

**You are cordially invited to the wedding of Elsa Arendale and Kristoff Womack on June the Second of the year Two Thousand Eighteen at [redacted]**

* * *

The invitation is neat and tasteful, but my mind can only playback the words that were printed on the cotton paper.

Elsa and Kristoff, Elsa and Kristoff… Why… how could she do this to me?

I would be lying if this wasn't something I hadn't expected. I only talk to my family once a year during Christmas, to ask them if they'd gotten my gifts from the post office. Seeing as my parents were always talking about Elsa and her '_wonderful_' Kristoff, it was impossible to miss.

Every year, even those brief conversations became shorter and shorter as my parents grew more pleading in their desperation to have me visit them and their '_wonderful_' Kristoff.

Anything that reminds me of Elsa causes my heart to cry out in pain. Even though the love I feel for her has dulled from being unrequited, there is still no one who can even come close to her in my life. No matter how much I tried to deny my obsessive love for Elsa-the universe always sent small reminders to the gaping hole that is my heart.

In all honesty, my life was empty- a shapeless hollow shell of the person I used to be. I could retire tomorrow and live extravagantly for the rest of my life. I could do anything I wanted…except Elsa.

Some of my coworkers used to ask me about my dating life, maybe in an attempt to start conversation. I did not usually answer, to which they usually respond with an "Oh, I know the perfect guy for you!" or a "How can a catch like you be single?" This stopped when I met Claudia.

I sometimes like to fantasize that I am entirely monogamous to Elsa, even after five years of separation. But even that is something I cannot cling to.

Last year, we got a new quant from Norway-a drop dead gorgeous platinum blonde with a doctorate in Superstring theory. She's funny, smart, with an adorable accent that never fails to bring a smile to everyone's face. She reminds me of Elsa, in all the good ways. Without the emotional clusterfuck that comes from being in love with Elsa-without the ever present danger of someone less than sympathetic getting proof of the taboo relationship. Claudia was someone I thought I could fall in love with.

So when the shy, blushing girl asked me out on a date, how could I refuse? My heart cried in betrayal, but my mind knew that I needed to get over my unreciprocated, and frankly, unhealthy feelings.

I stepped out of my internal musings for a second to examine the invitation further. Softly stroking the textured cotton, I notice a small, handwritten section within the card that I had not noticed the first time around.

* * *

_Please, Anna, don't ruin your sister's wedding. You know how much you mean to your sister- be a good sister and come to her special day just this once. I know you are really busy with your job, but I beg you to grace your dear family with your presence._

_Don't make this old mother of yours cry, Anna. You two used to be so close..._

_We expect you to be here Anna. We know you feel like you need to distance yourself as much as possible from your family, but this isn't something I can just let you slip by on._

_Please Anna, do this one thing to make your family happy._

_-Your loving Mother_

* * *

I let out a growl of anger.

Fine then-If Elsa has moved on, I need to show her that I have too (even if it is not true).

* * *

A/N: I SWEAR WITH ALL MY HEART THAT THIS DOES INDEED HAVE A HAPPY ENDING AT THE END.

I tried to build Anna's character more in this chapter; I hope I didn't do too badly.

Please leave some feedback. Is my prose weird? Do you like the plot and the speed of the action? Leave some comments guys! That's the only way I'm going to get better!

Thanks again for reading! Updates should be daily for the next couple of days, and from then on, every other day.

EDIT: cursory edits were conducted- this chapter will be replaced with a formally beta'd one asap.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, do you want to tell me more about your sister?" asks Claudia, who is currently brushing my hair. I frown and then wince- my auburn locks always seemed to have knots in them no matter what conditioner I used.

I suppress a sigh and respond with the cheeriest tone I could muster. "She's nice I suppose."

Claudia looks at me funny, as if I had said puppies weren't cute. "You guys are not close?"

"No, it's just that… We had a little falling out during college. I'd rather not talk about it."

A hurt look flashes across Claudia's face, but there is nothing I can do. If I start talking about Elsa…I'd almost definitely slip up.

"What time did you say the plane was again?" Claudia changes the subject after working out a particularly difficult knot in my hair. "Ten thirty" I respond.

"There, you look perfect" smiles my girlfriend as she gently runs her fingers through my now brushed mane. "I'm always perfect!" I snort, jumping onto the blonde. Claudia shrieks, and we laugh at the silliness of the situation, serious things forgotten for once.

I place a swift kiss on Claudia's cheek and get up, the realities of life catching up to me.

"We need to go if we're not to be late my dear," I husk out, failing miserably in my attempt at a British accent. Claudia bursts out laughing again and we slowly make our way down to the awaiting car.

o.O.o

The flight is relatively quiet- no screaming babies or other common place plane antics for once.

The taxi ride to the hotel is short. We had come a couple days earlier than the rehearsal date so that I could show Claudia the bustling city that is LA.

Those couple extra days also served as a warm up for me to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable interactions I would soon be having with Elsa.

Yet, even with a beautiful girl at my side, I felt naked as I rang the doorbell to my childhood home.

"Anna! I'm so glad you could make it!" my mother cries out as she envelops me in a bear-hug. I grin at the embrace reveling in the protective aura that seems to emanate from my mom.

"What's your name dear?"

"Claudia Clemensen, Mrs. Arendale. It's a pleasure to meet you in person- Anna's talks so much about you."

I shoot a glare at Claudia at the obvious quip- just because I don't like to talk about my family…

"I can't believe Anna has managed to catch someone as beautiful as you! She's always causing trouble, how do you stand it?"

I sigh in relief. At least my mom and girlfriend were getting along, even if it was in making fun of me.

"David dear- come to the door- Anna's here!"

I tighten my grip on Claudia's hand, emotions overwhelmed by the feelings associated with _family. _Especially Elsa.

o.O.o

"Where is Elsa?" I ask, after everyone had settled down with cups of teas in hand. Dad laughs, "Oh, you know Elsa- she's still working at the hospital. I told her to take a week off, but she would have none of that, even if it is for her own wedding. That girl is almost as stubborn as you Anna."

I snort, relief quickly replaced by indignation. The rest of the group burst out laughing at my expense. I personally did not find anything particularly funny about the situation.

"So, tell us how you two met," says my father, happiness playing in his eyes. I can see the hope in his eyes; hope that I had gotten over my '_taboo'_ feelings for Elsa.

After several hours of talking, (which pretty much was a three –way conversation between my parents and Claudia, with me interjecting once in a while) we left for the hotel.

"Are you sure you don't want to just stay here? I can easily put in your sheets Anna-" a pleading look on her face.

"Its fine mom, we already booked a room. We'll be at the rehearsal grounds on time, I promise."

o.O.o

The cathedral that Elsa and Kristoff had chosen for their ceremony was admittedly nice. It looked more like a castle than a church, which suits Elsa's demeanor quite perfectly.

"Hey Anna, it's nice to finally meet in you in person!"

I give the boy a once over. The 'wonderful' Kristoff my parents always lauded in their phone calls didn't seem like someone worthy of my sister.

"Hello- Anna Arendale, Vice President of Risk Analysis at [redacted]."

Kristoff laughs- it seems like everyone has been laughing at me this week.

"You don't have to be so formal with me Anna; you're going to be my sister-in-law after all."

"Yeah, that's true isn't it? Well, it was nice meeting you Mr. Womack- I wish you the best."

I turn heel and begin walking towards the snack table. I need a drink.

o.O.o

"Why hasn't the rehearsal started yet mom?" I ask while sipping on a glass of lemonade. I didn't know any of the bridesmaids and Claudia was off buying the wedding gift I had forgotten to get, so I decided to just talk to my mom instead.

"Well dear, Elsa is calling in late- apparently there's an emergency at the hospital."

I grumble in frustration- why did Elsa have to drag this out any longer than it had to be?

"Sorry I'm late! Let's get this rehearsal started!"

My body freezes at the sound of Elsa's voice.

"Hey Anna, it's nice to see you again."

I ogle wondrously at the blonde, just her voice alone resurfacing all the suppressed feelings that I still held for her. My eyes glue themselves to Elsa's exquisite features, her lush platinum hair, her beautiful eyes… ugh

"Ugh-hh Hi! It's been forever hasn't it?" I stutter, even as the woman circles around me like an eagle eying its prey.

"You are just as beautiful as I remember you being."

"You're beautiful too, I mean, you're beautifuller."

"Still a master of words I see. Let's get to the rehearsal, shall we?"

I can only stare as the blonde walks down towards the cathedral, impossibly long legs and seductive hips burned forever in my mind.

_How am I going to survive these next couple of days…_

**A/N: This is a kind of a filler chapter before the action begins (next chapter will be long, don't worry)**

**Thanks again for reading, and remember to always feel free to leave constructive feedback in the comments. **

**PS: cursory edits have been made- will replace with beta'd asap**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N {PLEASE READ}**

**There is light kink/bondage and other potential trigger material in this chapter- let this be your warning.**

**Also: Dubious consent**

**Repeat: This chapter earns its rating. Please take heed. Thank you**

The rehearsal is a beehive of activity, with not a moments rest for anyone. But one event only had two people involved, and it made my blood boil.

Elsa and Kristoff were slow dancing, as was traditional for the newly wedded couple to after the ceremonies, and not even all the money in the world could make me watch that spectacle.

So there I sat, furiously tapping away at my phone looking at the latest cat pics on Reddit in an effort to distract myself from the dance that should be mine going on in the floor.

"Anna-" whispered a voice behind me. I jump in surprise, dropping my precious Galaxy S5 in the process. Luckily, Claudia catches it, and I smile in gratefulness.

"I bought the present, want to take a look? I was going to call you, but I thought you'd be too busy…"

I shake my head, chuckling at the blonde's cautious behavior. "Its fine Claudia, I'd rather leave those two _lovebirds _in peace. Let's go check that present out!"

Claudia shoots me a beaming smile, "I just want a second opinion on it- I hope it isn't too flashy…"

Once we get out to the parking lot, I can see why Claudia was worried about the present being _just a tad bit _extravagant. A beautiful, handcrafted set of silver flatware engraved with snowflake designs was sitting in our rental car, reflecting a perfect image of our faces off the mirror finish.

"Holy fuck Claud, where the hell did you get this in such a short time?!" I exclaim shock and awe flooding my mind.

Claudia smirks, "I have a good eye for antiques madam Arendale. Not to mention that this silver smith work is Norwegian, something which I consider myself an expert in. It wasn't too hard to find a suitable piece for a woman as beautiful as your sister."

I delicately run my hands over the smooth, cold metal, "How much did this thing cost? I can't imagine something like this being cheap…"

Claudia lets out a melodic laugh, "Anna, we both make more than enough to buy decent gifts for family. I assure you that my financial situation wasn't affected by this expenditure."

"Well, I'm not letting you pay for this, after all I dragged you here-"

"Nonsense! I want to make a good impression on your family, and like I've already said, the cost is insignificant- hardly a sum you or I would consider more than trivial."

I sigh in defeat, the warm cerulean eyes of my girlfriend daring me to contradict her. I think I have a fetish for stubbornness. This wedding is a royal headache.

o.O.o

Fate finally takes pity on me, for when I return to the ballroom, Elsa and Kristoff are no longer dancing. In fact, when I find them, they are in a heated argument.

"…for the last time Elsa, why do you have to be such prude? Your boobs are nice and all, but I'm kind of getting tired of being stuck in second base…"

"I never took you for being a sex-crazed teenager Kristoff. Don't tell me you don't know how to use your hands."

"Are you implying that I should masturbate? Because I do! I've been doing it ever since we started dating! I don't even watch porn, I just think of you! For fucks sake Elsa, I just want to make sure that we aren't going to be celibate for the rest of our lives…"

I guiltily smile, guiltily only because I shouldn't being hearing this conversation. Nevertheless, I do not stop, too intrigued to give privacy.

"I. Do. Not. Like. Sex. Do I have to spell that out for you Kristoff? I despise it with all my heart and soul- and it is non-negotiable! We've already discussed this…"

"Elsa, please- just once! At least promise that you will consummate our marriage?"

Heat rises to my ears at the audacity coming from this 'Kristoff'. How dare he even think about defiling my sister!?

"…fine… I won't deny you that much…"

"You won't deny me it? So you're going to treat making love like a chore? Do you even want me- do you find me ugly Elsa? Is that it? Because I've heard some things about you…"

My heart hardens at the seething tone of Kristoff's voice. If he lays a hand on Elsa…

"Rumors- unfounded rumors; are you stooping so low as to use hearsay in discussions now? I must say I expected better from you."

"Elsa, don't patronize me. You and I both know that those rumors have a lot of substance behind them, no matter how much you play them off…"

As their conversation winds down, I struggle to make out the words exchanged, forcing me to creep closer and closer…

"We'll discuss this later Elsa."

I quickly walk into the storage room right by me, careful to be quiet whilst doing so. Once I was sure Kristoff had left, I leave the dusty little room, eager to get to a bar to process everything I had just heard.

o.O.o

"So you think Kristoff and your sister are having issues in their relationship?" asks Claudia, who's nursing a blueberry microbrew in her hand. I take a long gulp from mine, and nod.

"Well then, I hope it isn't enough to stop the wedding from going through. Although I don't think I'd mind a new set of silverware." jokes Claudia as she takes a sip as well. Today's been a really stressful day.

o.O.o

We have sex that night. It feels weird, not that Claudia is bad or anything- it just… doesn't feel right. There's no fire, no burning passion or need… nothing feels right without Elsa.

o.O.o

I wake up the next morning, sunlight glaring through the windows. Eyes squinted from the intensity of the sunbeams, a sinking feeling dawns on me- today is the last day before Elsa is officially married.

I glance back to Claudia, who is still sleeping, a look of absolute content plastered on her face. A small part of my heart dies at the knowledge that our relationship is disproportionate - she loves me much more than I can reciprocate.

I sigh, and begin to rustle through my suitcase, searching for suitable to wear. Considering our strained relationship for the last ten years, it isn't a surprise that I was not made a bridesmaid. I don't particularly mind however, in fact, I like the freedom it gives me in choosing what I wear.

I slip on an emerald green cocktail dress after a long, warm shower, hastily applying makeup and doing my hair. Claudia was also frantically making herself presentable, not even bothering with a shower in an effort to not be tardy.

o.O.o

The ceremony is fairly standard. I almost fell asleep to be honest- the minister who conducted the wedding was extremely bore some, although that was probably more because of my lack of belief in his job or his church. I was surprised that Elsa had even gone for the traditional Christian wedding- must've been a compromise with Kristoff's family.

As the sermon ends, the actual procession begins. I don't even notice until Claudia disapprovingly swipes my phone and forces me to look up and stare in horror as the love of my life is given away.

I desperately try to drone out the vows of "eternal love" and "steadfast devotion" that come out of the minister's mouth, each "I do" like a red hot needle driven through my heart.

Yet there is nothing I can do; helplessness overcomes me as Kristoff and Elsa share a chaste kiss at the altar. My heart shrivels and cracks in two, pain coursing through my veins at the cheer that erupts at the couple's eternal commitment to each other. I force myself to steel my still breaking heart, telling myself that moving on was the only thing left for me to do. There is no other option, I tell myself. Elsa is no longer a viable option.

My heart continues to fight, stubborn in its absolute dedication to Elsa. I struggle to keep my emotions checked, and when the procession is finally over, I run out of the cathedral in desperate need of air and space.

Many people see my hasty exit, but I do not care.

When I reach a secluded sidewalk, I breakdown, tears freely flowing down my face; how can I be so weak? Why did I even come to this torturous event! I sat on the curb, not a care in the world about the state of the silky fabric, the contemplation of my inner psyche the sole purpose of my distressed mind.

I know why I came here today. I know that I had to face the reality of Elsa's disinterest in me sooner or later. But one does not simply get over unrequited love, no matter how much she tries.

There is no anger in my heart. Elsa moved on, and I had ten years to accept it. It was my own weakness that caused the emotional wreck that I am right now.

I think back on Claudia, and how I've led her on. I thought and hoped I would be able to fall _in love _with her, but, although I love her very much, I realize now that I am a fool to expect my stupid heart to ever let go of Elsa. There is, and there will be no happiness for me.

My self-pity and self-depreciation also dissipates, leaving me with nothing. I have nothing. To an outsider, I may seem to have the perfect life- a gorgeous girlfriend, a wonderful job with incredible pay, perfect health- what else can a person ask for? Yet I have nothing. I feel nothing. I am nothing.

Gently, I pull off the snowflake patterned necklace that I had worn for over eleven years. Elsa had given the necklace to me, as a promise for a better future together.

_ "Anna, I have something for you-"_

_ "What is it? Ooh, is it food?"_

_ "I swear Anna, I don't know how you manage to eat so much and stay so skinny. You know your metabolism will fail one day, right?"_

_ "Oh come on Elsa, you know I hate surprises. Plus, you eat just as much chocolate as me!"_

_ "Just close your eyes."_

_ With a pout, I concede. Cold metal graces my neck, and I shiver at the sensation._

_ "You can open your eyes now."_

_ I stare into a mirror, wide-eyed._

_ "It's beautiful! Thank you so much Elsa, I'll wear it forever!"_

_ Elsa grins,"You like it?"_

_ "Of course!" _

_ "I hope so- think of it like a promise ring. I am yours forever."_

A meaningless promise…

I cup the warm white gold, smiling at the happy memories of the past, the soft kiss that had accompanied the gift. Life was so innocent- so simple back then.

With care, I stash the necklace into my purse and pull out a velvet ring box in its stead. The edges of the box are slightly frayed from age, but contents still untouched by time. I let out a sigh, before pulling out the simple, but elegant sapphire studded platinum band from its case.

It was a gift I had gotten for Elsa- after months of saving on the tiny disposable income grad students have. A gift to return the promise Elsa had made that day…

Bitter laughter escapes my lips as I shove the ring back into my purse. I was so naïve back then.

A distant cheer goes up- presumably from the party. Hot tears stream once again down my cheek, vision blurring from the intense emotions that wrack my body. Why was my life so fucked up? Was I doomed to love Elsa for the rest of my life?

"Hello?"

A small girl, with cute little pony tails and Girl Scout uniform waves at me.

"Why do you look so sad?" inquired the scout, innocent teal eyes curious in their attempt to decipher why I was crying.

I smile sadly, wiping away the last of the salty tears that rest on my cheek. "It's complicated kid, not something a little one like you should know."

"I'm not little!" pouts the blonde, who gently wraps me in a gentle hug, "A hug will make you feel better. Mommy says hugs make everything better."

My heart cannot help but break a little at the naiveté and simple innocence of the child with her arms wrapped around me. What a blissful world it must be, to live with such idealistic wonders and solutions.

"I'm so sorry! Leona, let that poor woman go- what did I tell you about hugging strangers?"

A frantic woman, also dressed in a girl scout uniform, came up to the sidewalk, apologies still firing out of her mouth as if the little girl- Leona, had done something wrong.

"It's fine, she's a little sunshine. You must be proud of such a beautiful girl."

I genuinely smile. Perhaps there is happiness in the world.

"Thank you- she is, when she's not running off without permission."

I chuckle, when I suddenly realize that these two women are girl scouts. My stomach growls at the thought.

"Do you, by any chance, have- uh- some girl scout cookies?" I ask, embarrassed at the wanton sounds coming out of my stomach.

"Of course! What would you like?"

"Thin mints!"

I pull out my wallet while Leona and her mom run to the trolley, carefully scrawling out a cheque. The girl scouts were an organization I always had admired, and this was the perfect chance to show that feeling- and maybe forget about the heavier things that occupied my mind.

"Here you go- four dollars please!" cheered the little blonde, holding a box of thin mints like an offering of peace. Warmth floods over me- a rare sensation of happiness- and I revel in the fact that I finally have to ability to help beautiful organizations like the girl scouts.

With a flourish, I sign the cheque and hand it to Leona, who then hands it over to her mother. A look of shock flashes across the tired woman's face.

"Wh-what- ma'am, are you sure? Ten thousand dollars is a rather large sum of money…"

I nod in affirmation, and then head back to the cathedral, the beautiful innocence of childhood giving me the strength to go back in.

o.O.o

The rest of the wedding is a blur. Dinner, dancing, drinking- everything blends together in my mind.

After the wedding, I decide to stay an extra week- I tell Claudia I need to reconnect with my parents. She reluctantly leaves, albeit only after telling me many times that she can stay with me if I want.

It's not really a lie; I do actually want to reconnect with my parents. But the main reason why I wanted to stay an extra week in LA was to get away from everything; to remove myself from everything.

So the last thing I expected, or wanted, was to see Elsa.

…

I stare at the fifth (or was it the sixth?) shot of whiskey, droning out the distasteful music while calculating my blood alcohol level in my head. Considering the fact that I was pretty much drunk at this point, the exercise was futile.

"Hello, do you mind if I sit here?"

I stare up, vision woozy from all the whiskey, to see a well-built and nicely dressed man, swirling a martini in his hands. I guess you could call him conventionally handsome, not that I'm a good judge of men.

I shrug in response, still trying to remember if I had moved the decimal place properly in my calculations.

"My name is Hans."

I frown, annoyed by the distraction and whirl around, only to slip and fall. Strong, muscular arms catch me, and my annoyance grows.

"Easy there tiger- now why don't you tell me your name?"

I glare at 'Hans', which only draws a chuckle in response.

"Women, always so finicky. But they're pretty, so I buy them drinks. Would you like a drink?"

"Yo-youre annoying-gg" I slur out, embarrassed by my lack of cohesion. Perhaps I had carried the decimal properly after all.

"Aww, come on. You won't even let poor Hans buy you one drink? I can't call myself a gentleman if a beautiful lady like you won't accept a drink from me."

I sigh in exasperation, my calculations too jumbled to be completed now. "I've already had too much to drink _Hans_- Why don't you just lay off?" I slur out.

"Maybe you could use a ride home? Why don't you come with me, I can drop you-"

***CRACK***

"Don't even try anything you blustering bastard!"

I freeze- Elsa's hands were wrapping themselves around my waist, possessive in both strength and form.

"Whoa there, I was only trying to help out this poor woman…"

"If you ever even try to lay a _finger _on her again, you will pay."

Hans genuinely looked terrified, cowering under the icy threats pouring out of my sister's mouth.

"Let's go Anna-"

Still shocked by Elsa's abrupt entrance, I give no protest.

o.O.o

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" screams my sister as she pushes me onto her bed, hands firmly gripping my shoulders. My head is still woozy from the alcohol, and all that my eyes can focus on are the supple breasts hanging just out of my reach.

"How could you be so irresponsible? You know how gullible you become when you're _tipsy _never mind full blown drunk! He would've _raped _you if it wasn't for my timely intervention! Do you understand-?"

I a small moan escapes from my lips as Elsa's angry banter unconsciously results in delicious friction between our legs.

A smirk plays on Elsa's lips- and she pauses her movements. I groan in protest.

"Wow Anna, are you really getting off on this?" Elsa husks, her face now mere inches from my own-

I gasp at the tantalizing hot air being blown into my ears, self-control all but gone. If Elsa continued…

"Does your _Claudia _treat you well dear? Does she take care of you? Because it does not appear that you have been _relieved _in quite a while."

I angrily push Elsa off at that, "Claudia is a wonderful girlfriend! She cares for me, unlike you!" I cannot bring myself to say love- too much guilt is associated with that word.

"But you don't love her, do you Anna? You're leading her on."

My retort dies in my mouth as a firm leg rubs against my center, sending jolts of pleasure buzzing through my body. I whimper again at the overwhelming sensation, hips gyrating of their own volition in an attempt to increase the friction.

"You- wa- what are you doing?!" I ask, anger tinting my voice as I desperately try to stave off my ever growing desire to just _fuck _Elsa's brains out. "You're fucking married for fuck's sake!"

"Hmm? What exactly am I doing dearest sister? I am merely giving you a lecture on why you should not get drunk at random bars."

All I can do is moan in response, as Elsa's hands play a glissando over my thighs; blissfully _ignoring_ the area I needed them the most.

With a gently push, the blonde carefully pressed our bodies together in a warm, platonic- yet paradoxically erotic embrace.

"Tell me you don't want this and I'll stop," whispered Elsa, whose steamy breath was now bearing down on my neck.

"Sta-Stop…" I gasp out, even as firm hands spread my legs apart.

"I think you didn't understand me properly dear- you need to say that _you do not want this._"

My brain is too frazzled to reply, and I soon find myself bare before Elsa, deep red undoubtedly flushing down my neck and cheeks. Soft silk scarves ensure that my arms and legs are immobile, whilst warm hands gently remove my sparse clothing.

"Just as beautiful as I remember~" husks Elsa, as she lightly swipes her index finger over my glistening folds-

Shudders run down my spine as the blonde darts her tongue out to taste my arousal so clearly displayed on her finger, the tantalizing gesture encouraging the roaring fire that is my libido. My mind is still clouded by the alcohol, but there is no doubt in my mind that this is not enjoyable- and Elsa knows that too.

"My, you are rather wet dear. And I am rather thirsty. Perhaps we can arrange a trade?"

Before my mind can even process the words coming out of Elsa's mind, a fiery tongue gives my folds a generous, torturous lick- followed by a quick burst of cool air. My hips gyrate forward in a vain attempt at continuing the delicious contact, but my only reward is a stinging slap to the clitoris.

"So impulsive…patience is a virtue, my dear Anna."

I growl at the patronizing tone, but it's all bark and no bite- I know I am powerless and Elsa does too.

Without warning, the blonde dives in with her tongue again, this time a making sure to delve into my aching folds. Writhing against the restraints, the only function my brain serves now is to _feel. _Nothing else matters.

Soon, a trio of fingers joins Elsa's wonderful tongue, filling me to the brim with explosive passion. My erect nipples almost painfully strain against my bra, further compounding the incredible warmth pooling in my stomach. I was getting painfully close to releas-

"I think I've had my fill," drawled Elsa, who was now licking her lips clean. All I could do was stare, body shuddering in shock at the sudden loss of contact. I was so fucking close- I could practically taste my orgasm.

"Wa-What the f-ffuck! Elsa!" I scream, my body desperately calling out for release. Elsa flashes a sadistic smile before pulling herself over my head. "You'll have to earn your keep my dearest Anna. Impress me, and I may allow you what you _want._

With a sharp tug on my over sensitized nipples, Elsa lowered her dripping lips onto my eager mouth. Desperate to earn my awaiting reward, I quickly skip to the most important part- Elsa's clit.

Even after four years of separation, Elsa's womanly parts are like a cello under my tongue- moans and mewls drawn out like notes from a musical score. Soon Elsa too is panting, beautiful platinum curls matted from perspiration and hands harshly tugging at taut nipples in an effort to draw out as much pleasure as possible.

Elsa is nearing her release- but there is no way in hell I'm letting Elsa best me at this little game of hers. I dart my tongue back into my mouth, just to hear Elsa beg.

But I appear to have been a bit rusty at timing myself- or perhaps Elsa was pent up from years of celibacy but she comes, and boy does she come hard.

"Annnaa!" screams out the blonde, as she slumps beside me, body still shuddering from the aftershocks of orgasm. I grin at the sight, but the grin suddenly turns upside down.

"Elsa?"

"Elsa?!"

I grow more frantic with each call of Elsa's name- Elsa's knocked herself out!

_What the actual fuck_

_Now I'm stuck here, horny as hell, neck in an uncomfortable position, and most likely unable to catch my morning flight tomorrow! On top of that, I have to deal with Elsa when she gets up! Oh shit…_

I cautiously test the restraints again, desperate to get out, fuck myself, and get the fuck out. Yet, my struggles only seem to tighten the silk bonds, and out of fear of cutting off circulation, I let the restraints be.

_I'm so fucked tomorrow…_

**o.O.o**

**o.0.O.0.o**

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this installment of Amor Aeterna- and, like always, feel free to leave feedback! It's the only way I'll get better guys.**

**EDIT: I know this chapter opens up a lot of worms- don't worry, they'll be answered soon enough xD**

**Thanks again for reading, and (hopefully) see ya'll soon!**

EDIT2: cursory edits- unbeta'd


	6. Chapter 6

"…Elsa?"

A groan escapes my lips, my head burning in pain and neck stiff and aching from the uncomfortable position that had been afforded by the restraints.

"Elsa?"

Getting no response, I groan again, finally noticing the distinct lack of soft silk on my appendages.

Anger displaces pain as my head begins to piece together what had happened the night before- but the anger is quick to dissipate as pain returns yet again.

Tears threaten to pour as my mind flashes back to the drunken escapade- hurt pouring through my veins at the fact that Elsa hadn't even tried to explain herself- de ja vu to say the least.

What had happened last night was rape- yet my heart could not grasp how something so deliciously erotic could be rape. My mind is a mess…

I thought I had finally managed to get over Elsa- even just a month ago, I thought I could pretend to love Claudia and live out a content life. Then this…

Time to think is what I need. I can't do it here- where reminders of the blonde line every corner- the light blue curtains to the quaint night lamp and neatly organized desk or the cute sketches that adorned the walls.

_Fuck this…_

I gather my scattered clothing, only to notice that my dress was ripped down the thighs. Cheeks coloring at the faint, alcohol-scattered memories, I quickly requisition one of Elsa's conservative business-wear in its stead.

"Here's your latte ma'am~"

After muttering a thank you, I take the proffered coffee, sighing as the warm liquid graces my taste buds.

The light chatter of the café goers provides a nice background noise to my internal dialogue.

_**Why don't you just get out of here? Go back to New York- fuck, as long as you get away from her…**_

_That's cowardly-_

_**Not as cowardly as what Elsa did last night! Who the fuck is she to just barge back into my life and fuck me like I'm her personal sex slave or some shit?**_

_You need to get closure though- and prove to Elsa that you are willing to let go of your feelings for her…_

_**BUT THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM ISN'T IT! YOU STILL LOVE ELSA, NO; YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH ELSA! **_

_She may feel the same wa-_

_**You're fucking stupid if you believe that Elsa still loves you. What happened last night was motivated purely by lust. You. Are. Nothing. To. Her.**_

_Bu-_

_**No buts… if she really did still love you, why would she continue even when you said no? If she loved you, she wouldn't have taken you without your consent. Inebriation is no excuse. Just get out of this cluster-fuck and see if you can salvage your brain before it fries itself.**_

_No. You need to stop hiding from Elsa. You need to put your foot down and make her explain everything. She needs to explain. You have every damn right to an explanation- and you shouldn't leave without it_

_**True**__…_

_Then... how about we go back to Elsa's apartment? Let's get everything straight- you deserve it._

_**Yes… No alcohol- no excuses- and no submission. Don't back down.**_

I nervously press the doorbell. The door tentatively opens.

"Elsa- We need to talk, whether you like it or not."

**A/N: This is short, I know, but it was really hard to pump this one out.**

**Thanks for reading and leave feedback! Tell me how much I suck- how heart wrenching I am- I want to hear your thoughts on the story!**


	7. Chapter 7

"…Anna"

I glare.

"Why did you leave me."

"What do you mean Anna? I had to go to work!"

"You know what I mean."

The calmness that surrounds my voice surprises me. When I had envisioned my confrontation with Elsa, the last thing I had expected was for me to be calm. Yet here I was, serene and steady.

"I, uh, well…"

"Elsa… you owe at least this to me."

A deep sigh comes out of the blonde's mouth, the small gesture colored with reluctance.

"It's a long story…"

"I have time."

Elsa's knuckles turn white as she grips her coffee mug in a vice like grip.

"The worst thing I ever thought could happen actually did."

With shaking hands, Elsa set down her mug.

"My third year- the year I… broke up with you…One of my fellow residents who were in the same program as I was confronted me. He had… more than a mild crush on me to say the least, and he had bugged our dorm."

My eyes widened in shock. The implications…

"He showed me incriminating footage and audio recordings of our relationship… and threatened to post them online unless I stopped. He was more dedicated to his religion than he was to his crush on me… and he said that 'god' would only forgive me if I stopped now, and he would only be able to 'forgive' me and not post the evidence if I ended our relationship."

"What the fuck?! Why didn't you tell me any of this?" I cannot help but interrupt.

A faint smile graces my sister's features, "I didn't want you to have to deal with any of it. Do not doubt for a moment that I did not have your best interests in mind."

Still shocked by these new revelations, I can only stare, jaw pooling on the floor as my sister continued to recount those ever so painful times.

"Knowing that both of our future careers would be ended if the recordings got out, I agreed to his terms and told him I would stop my 'abominable' activities."

"… You let a random bastard blackmail you?"

Hands now shaking, Elsa quickly darted her hand into her purse, withdrawing a small plastic container. With not so much as a breath, the blonde stuck a pill into her mouth, chasing the tablet with a dainty sip of coffee.

"No… You know as well as I do how life-wrecking it would be if everyone found out about… us"

"Why didn't you just tell me…?"

"I never said I made the best possible decisions at the time… I was young, naïve, and scared shitless."

Brain still paralyzed with shock, I only began to ponder the pill bottle my sister was nervously rubbing in her hands.

"Why are you taking meds?"

"…uh… Asthma-"

"Bullshit. Lemme see."

Lightning fast reflexes honed with years of RTS, I snatch the bottle. The bottle is slightly damp, evidencing Elsa's nervousness.

Elsa buries her hands into her face, light sobs filtering through elegant fingers.

* * *

Warning: DMPAX2 (1) - recommended dosage- 1- 50 mg pill standard weekly- add in frequency if necessary. Do not exceed 3- 50 mg pills per week. Warning: FEMALE CHEMICAL CASTRATIVE: WILL SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE LIBIDO: TITLE THREE SCHEDULED SUBSTANCE- ONLY VOLUNTARY CONSUMPTION IS LEGAL

* * *

"Anna…"

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!"

"Anna… let me explain-"

"NO! THERE IS NOTHING TO FUCKING EXPLAIN HERE!"

"Anna…"

I am so done. Words cannot describe the fury and betrayal flowing through my veins- ice like tendrils of disgust crawling through my very being.

How could Elsa have done this? To just throw a pill at our relationship and forget the beautiful thing we shared, to just chemically block out the siren calls of that plagued my mind- thoughts I thought she didn't feel… but were not the case…

"You left me out on the dust, wondering what I did wrong… chemical castration… why… why would you do that to yourself? You know better than I do that it _changes _you… no matter what the manufacturers say about reversibility..."

The room suddenly felt too claustrophobic as my overstimulated brain tried to process the bombshells that had burst wide open.

Elsa's eyes were crystalline- light bouncing in those beautiful orbs as tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Sobs still wracking her slender frame, Elsa began to inch towards me- to which I reflexively jumped from. To that, the blonde only began to cry harder, showing vulnerability I hadn't seen from her since, ever.

My heart yearns to reach out and comfort the broken woman beholden in front of me.

But that cannot happen. Too much has happened today.

For fuck's sake, my sister had chemically castrated herself to suppress her feelings for me... How was that supposed to make me feel!?

I needed to get some air… and try to understand what had just happened.

"I'm going to go out for a bit…"

Choking on her sobs, Elsa finally manages to reply.

"Wi-ll you co-hic-me back?"

I sigh, "Yes. I'm overwhelmed right now… just give me some time to sort out my feelings…and you should too."

This time, I go to a bar. A quiet one. Unusual, but considering the fact that it was only two PM, it seemed understandable.

As the alcohol hit my blood, the raging infernos of fire and ice seemed to recede somewhat. My brain finally started digesting the new information I had learned.

After my second glass of scotch, my phone begins to sing-

* * *

_**Soyuz nerushimyy respublik svobodnykh~ (2)**_

* * *

I quickly slide my finger across the screen of my phone, a faint grin pulling on my lips as the Soviet Anthem plays out. Olaf, the bank's president, was a Soviet Union connoisseur, and had made everyone in the senior staff set the anthem as the ringtone attached to his phone number.

* * *

_Anna, I know you need some time with your family, but I just wanted to inform you that Oaken and the rest of the Board have decided to push a vote on the merger deal. You have a three percent interest in the company, and you can send your vote to the Board group chat. _

_PS: You can take another week off. I've already started liquidations of our more risky investments in preparation of the merger -we've got everything under control. Have fun~_

_-Olaf_

_-Hugs make everything better-_

* * *

_Well then… I guess I'll be able to sort all this shit out… maybe… hopefully?_

* * *

**A/N: This was an interesting chapter for me to write. On one hand, I wanted to answer all the questions that are probably rolling through your heads right now, but that just… well, didn't happen. There are many things that just didn't get into this chapter. I'm kinda glad now that happened however… I'm pretty sure no one, not even our dear Anna could've handled all the bombshells bursting at once.**

**But do not despair! I plan on expanding on the threads brought up in this chapter in the next one, and hopefully everything begins to start making some sense.**

**/1) DMPAX2 is a made up drug that does what the real life DMPA does- except it affects female libido and is orally administered, unlike the real DMPA. **

**In case you are not familiar with chemical castration, it is a process in which hormones are used to suppress a person's libido. **

**/2) Soyuz nerushimyy respublik svobodnykh- is the first line of the Soviet National Anthem circa 1944. The line roughly translates into: United forever in friendship and labor.**

**Personally find the song incredibly inspiring and moving, once one puts aside the politics revolving around the piece of course.**


	8. Chapter 8

I stand at Elsa's door, heart pounding. Anger still taints my mind, but more than anything else, I feel disappointed in my sister. Why didn't she just tell me about what was wrong instead of dropping me like a hot potato?

After hearing Elsa's explanation, some of the events all those painful years ago start to make sense. The off-ness displayed by Elsa and her unusual lack of affection were due to the castratives.

Yet one thing still bothered me. Why marry Kristoff?

"…Anna?"

I stumble forward as the door swings open, blushing at how spaced out I had been.

"I…I really am sorry Anna…for everything…I know how much pain I caused you-"

"I know- let's get inside first. I'm kinda thirsty."

Elsa's beautiful eyes are tear-stained, marring the otherwise perfect features of her face. I cannot help but stare once we are seated, fascinated by the humanizing characteristic that was being displayed by the blonde. Today was literally the first time I've ever seen Elsa cry.

"So…why did you even marry Kristoff?" I ask, bitterness tainting my voice.

"He… he protects me Anna, in ways you would not understand. There are some things I cannot tell you Anna; you need to trust me," Elsa choked out, still gripping her cold coffee mug as if it was the only thing keeping her sane in the universe.

"No."

"What?"

"I said no. You owe me a fucking explanation, and I don't give two shits if you have to spill state secrets or whatever to do so," I reply, anger displacing bitterness. History will not repeat itself if I have a say in it this time.

"Anna… be reasonable."

"Bull fucking shit! You break my heart, make me move out, and then invite me to your wedding with a bastard just to rub it in my face. Then you rape me after finding me drunk at a bar, which, I might add, was completely none of your business! Now you're going all 'Anna, be reasonable' like as if I was a some little six-year old!"

It is only when I finish my rant that I realize that Elsa is sobbing again. Never had I seen such a majestic being break down so completely.

Even under such strenuous circumstances, my heart still yearned to forgive and forget…

"An-Anna, I swear, if I could, I would tell but there is too much at stake… please… I… I'll do anything for your forgiveness… but this is not something I can give…"

"Anything?"

"Yes!"

I unclasp Elsa's purse and remove the pill bottles.

"You will not take any more of these, is that clear?"

"Bu-but…"

"You will not take them. No discussion. Unless of course, you want me to leave? Do you want to just forget this ever happened? Do you want me to run away and never come back? Is that what you want?"

"NO! Ugh! Anna, you need to understand… I need those… I've already shown to you how easily I lose control without them… you don't understand how hard it is to… resist you Anna…"

"Welcome to the club…" I mumble as I glide my fingers over my phone, sending off a brief text to an old college friend who now worked as a private investigator.

Elsa has left me no choice.

* * *

_**Interesting- the guy you wanted me to look up? He's the son of an influential senator. The kid also has a military record… worked there as a medical researcher of some sort… lemme see what I can dig up on him.**_

_Medical researcher? Wtf is that supposed to mean?_

_**I don't know… government records are pretty spotty and vagu- holy fuck… the system just locked me out… give me a sec…**_

_Ok…_

_**Uh.. fuck**_

_What's wrong?_

_**I've been banned from accessing his records on the government server- this has never happened before.**_

_What does that mean? _

_**Probably wasn't supposed to access that info…**_

_Oh_

_**It wasn't an automatic system ban either- someone manually banned me. What's so important about this guy anyway?**_

_Something personal… If you find out anything else, please contact me_

_**Ok- I'll see what I can do dear**_

* * *

**A/N: The plot thickens… **

**It was really hard to write this chapter… I think I'm getting writer's block O.o**

**Anyhow, thanks for reading! Remember to leave feedback, it's my life blood. Maybe it'll even cure my writer's block XD**

** upload Edit: Yup.. still have writer's block a week since this chapter's inception... So I'm switching focus for a week and working on Nox Aeterna. Pls review? Maybe some feedback can get the ball rolling again...**


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